I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
