can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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