Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
