I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
