wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
His hands were made for my vagina.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
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