a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
