How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
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