Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
