I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
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Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
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On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know