Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
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