My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?