I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?