I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
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I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
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Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom