In the future we'll all be gay
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.