I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct