All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?