It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Farmville is her only friend.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
