I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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