there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
