I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
