I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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