it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
