i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
