my mouth tastes like poor choices
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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