I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize