I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
All the doctor said was why
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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