i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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