I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
we should paint friendship bongs
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