She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I can't turn off my feet"
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
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