apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
