you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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