Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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