You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
