can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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