My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
then he tried to convert me to islam
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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