apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
