I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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