Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
