I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
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