I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Randomize
