We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
