Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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