the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize
