I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
