spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I am available for nakedness
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
