I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
