So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
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his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
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I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.