I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party