Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌