the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
