I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I think my vagina is haunted
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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