Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
