Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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