Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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