I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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