2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize
