why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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