She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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