How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
