the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
