Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
