i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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