What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
