HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
