mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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