Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
