I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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