He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
