i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
