god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
