Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
