GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
