I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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